Beautiful Struggle
by Seraph's Rhapsody
Summary: The Thoughts And Feelings Of Wesley Wyndam Pryce Before Death


**Beautiful Struggle:  
**  
**The thoughts and feelings running through Wesley Wyndam Pryce's mind as death nears him  
**  
-At Vail's, Wesley is suspended in the air with magic and Vail scoffs at his attempt to beat him. Wesley produces a knife but Vail grabs it and calls a large dagger from the wall, which he then plunges into Wesley's stomach twisting it around. Wesley manages to produce the swirling energy of light in his palm once more and blasts Vail across the room, breaking the magic. As he falls to the floor Illyria arrives and, inspecting his wound, she informs him it is mortal. -  
  
_The pain was unbearable. I could not stand the jolting pain within my lower torso. I tried to keep my balance as Vain's magic wore off on me but the pain was too overwhelming. I felt myself fall but I never hit the floor. I looked up to see the cold emotionless face of Illyria... She reminded me so much of my Fred... Her eyes, though consumed with the essence of an ancient old demon, were still Fred's. I could feel her small tender hand underneath my head, acting as a pillow. I was... glad that she came, glad that she showed here... As Illyria was looking down upon me I could read the expression. Her eyes were filled with, and surprised as I was, concern. It was not the same stare of superiority that she often gave everyone and me at the offices. She did not belittle me and compare me to the dirt that she stepped on. It seemed that what was left of Fred inside that body, her humanity, had reached this Ancient superior demon that knew no emotions of love or compassion. If Illyria knew how to cry...  
  
As blunt as she spoke, Illyria informed me of the obvious. I was dying. In fact, I could not feel the jolting pain I had felt moments ago. In fact, it seemed that rather than pain, I felt cold. My eyes do not wander from Illyria's own. My vision was still good. I could still speak. I could feel the warm crimson liquid pouring slowly from my stomach. Within moments...  
  
Then, and yet again, Illyria astounded me once more... She kindly asks if I would like her to change into Fred... to become her—her every look and every gesture... I do not know what compelled her to ask this... what was running through her mind... but just as surprising, I had accepted. There was no question as to why I said yes. I did not care for the reasons Illyria wanted to do this. All I wanted was to see Fred. I wanted her big chocolate brown eyes to stare into mine. I wanted her glowing smile to shine upon my dying face. I wanted to feel her essence... her love... I wanted...  
  
I try to give a full smile as I see the face of my lover looking down on me... "Hello there.." I hear my weak voice say. God, How I missed her... she looked down upon me with that smile and those eyes... The most beautiful dream ever imagined could not compare to those eyes... They were the very essence of beauty captivated within those two brown eyes. From then on I felt nothing else... From my wound down, I felt nothing. Everything was numb, physically. But it didn't matter. I was with Fred. My Winifred. I could feel nothing but love now. My love for her poured out and as weak as I was, and was getting, I tried my best to show her. Slowly, Fred comes down and kisses me... Oh those sweet soft lips! I yearned to kiss those lips again... Like sweet honey, it was.  
  
I see her face again, fully. Her smile... her eyes... her tears... She assures me that everything will be okay. She tells me that all will be fine, that we'll be together once more. But aren't we together already? I believe her full heartily... Her reassurance comforted me and made me smile, though I do not know if it showed.  
  
I am Wesley Wyndam Pryce. I was a former Watcher. All my youth I tried my best to make my father proud—to see him smile at me as if he was happy that I was his son. I always tried to smile even when rough times were upon me. I always laughed at the most corny of jokes. I always sat alone at the cafeteria table during lunchtime. I still smiled... I came to Sunnydale a full-fledged Watcher. I demanded respect though I received none. I came to Los Angeles a Demon-Rogue-Hunter. I found Angel and Cordelia... I found family. As my years here in Los Angeles passed, I experience joy and pain. I have been betrayed... and have been the betrayer. I found a dark place within me that I tried so hard to not go into. I did. But I found someone who made me forget that... forget the pain... I found Fred...  
  
So now as my vision slowly darkens... as my body slowly goes numb... I can hear the faint chants of memories passing me by... I can remember the happiness and love... the tears and the loneliness... But I will remember most of all the family I came to have... Angel, Gunn, Lorne, Cordelia, and my Fred... I have fallen tonight... I'm sorry Angel. I'm sorry father. But at least I will see my Fred once more... I hope I will be remembered. I hope my memory will linger within the minds of the ones I hold dear to my heart... I hope...  
  
I'm leaving now... I said my goodbyes... I lived my life... And as everything around me darkens, I hear the faint but powerful voice of my one true love...  
  
"Oh my love...", she says, "Oh my love..." _


End file.
